Use Protection Ladies! A guide to safe tanning...

Updated: Jul 18, 2019


You there!

Are you using protection? Slipping on a hat?

Pffft, I know what you Queenslanders are like….

Probably not….

A bunch of slurries, the lot of you!

Sun Sluts.

You guys are sooo intense with the sun love… tanned, all year round, lying on the beach akin to a chipolata on a fry pan.

Don’t @ me!

You need to use sunscreen!

Sexy sun romps require protection #sunscreen #silverscreen

I’m jealous (obvs) as on the rare occasion that my pedicured toe hits the sand, the surf lifesaving team whip out their prized possessions, their phones (no chipolatas), ready to call those volunteers who roll the whales into the water.

The big white whale.

That’s me.

Let’s face it, I don’t like crowds. I’m a hermit and quite possibly an owl judging by my nocturnal habits, and constant feather ruffling. #SpiritAnimalsGalore

So, the beach aint my bae.

However, the biggest cause of ageing, next to smoking durries is sun exposure.

I’m sure you guys have seen the effects of sun damage. That pic where the truck driver is all wrinkled and shit on the side that his face was exposed to harsh rays and all smooth on the other.

Kind of like my photos before/after I photoshop them.

Prevention is key ladies….

Like, I could have totally prevented overindulging in carbs today if I had not skipped lunch.

Also maybe prevented that ginormous pimple that I'm currently sporting all whilst being questioned on the due date of my bebe … food babies FTW

But I digress….

Australia has the highest rate of skin cancer so it’s not all about vanity but longevity.

I think we should listen to the experts and slap on some sunscreen. Wear a hat.

Twirl around an umbrella ella ella whilst frolicking in the sun’s rays etc

Even though I cleverly threw in a Rihanna reference, I currently have this jingle in my head:

'Slip slop slap' …. Remember that?! guys are probably too young, but we oldies learnt all about sun safety via a poorly drawn animated bird. These days commercials are a tad more fear mongering.

However the D is good in moderation.

We all need our vitamins!


Midnight Bella has a solution (literally) to this unwavering desire of being a bronzed babe. There’s no room for anything premature for our Queens whether it be ageing, death or male performance.

Play it safe and get a spray tan !! No annoying tan lines either!!

If you’re anything like me, doing the good ‘ol shave only where your pant line stops as its winter and you’re single (Don’t judge me please) ... avoid evening it out (waxing, laser, lawn mower, whipper snipper) on the same day sasquatch.

Without further ado, I now bestow upon you, the commandments of Spray tan aftercare....


Hair removal should ideally be tackled 24-hours prior to your session.

Exfoliate your sexy body 24-48 hours prior. Use a dry brush or loofah, this is also a good habit to uphold regularly as it boosts circulation.

Rare pic of me going to my waxing appt


Come to your session with clean and dry skin; No lotions, deodorants, makeup or perfumes. Dark, loose-fitting clothing and flip-flop sandals are handy for after your session. Especially for the Midnight Bella Tan walk of fame (or shame).


With some skin types and solutions, you can sleep with the product on, and rinse the following morning. Ask Jess or Bella to recommend what's best for your needs, event or lifestyle. There's 2 hour tans available aswell.


Put a towel down on any stainable surfaces. Avoid water until you rinse, this includes hand washing. Make your significant other do the dishes, for once eh???


During the life of your spray tan refrain from applying lotions or products that mineral oils, waxes, or alpha-hydroxy.

Saunas, pools and Jacuzzis will also fade your tan. You may shave 24-hours after application. No waxing or exfoliating with a spray tan, it will remove the top layers of your skin, thus removing your tan.

Your sunless tan lasts for about 5 to 10 days, depending on aftercare and lifestyle. Listen to us…. we are the yodas of the beauty business and its our job to help you help yourself.

Slip, Slop, Slap 'till your heart's content (with protection)

117 views0 comments