Let’s start this blog on a positive note folks, we are ALL going to die one day. Every single one of us. Cark it. Kick the bucket. Cease respiration. Meet our maker. Shuffle off this mortal coil. Depart our human skinned bodies/meat suit. Meet our untimely demise. We also have laser tattoo removal thus my point being that ye olde tattoos aren’t necessarily ‘permanent’ however, ink is still a HUGE commitment. No one wants to waltz around with the infamous ‘NO RAGRATS’ tattoo on their forearm or a Japanese quote which doesn’t quite translate in English - it translates to wanker, not water Karen 🤦♀️- With this in mind, I messaged Tricia Musto from Wild at heart tattoo who stated flippantly “We are food friendly and have heaps of donuts” Instantly, I knew she was the one.
I stumbled into the tattoo parlour clumsily, radiating with anxiety. I spied Tricia and immediately my mouth opened, projecting nervous chatter for I was a bundle of nerves. Fortunately, Tricia began chucking chocolate in my gob resulting in a subdued and content sugar coma. A collective sigh of relief could be heard once I shut up. I read (backed by science, K?) tattoo day should be cheat day so I was OK with this. Plus, she was cute and had an American accent. And complimented my lashes (who doesn’t though?)
Even though I am food orientated and ecstatic about the 'no gym after tattoo' rule, I’m not daft. I obsessively stalked the studio for over a year now on Instagram. I lusted after each and every artist, they’re all freaking amazing with their own unique style. Tricia - who probably wishes she hadn’t responded - was very prompt when I messaged her even though she was wary that there was a 50 percent chance that I was a spam bot. I sent her 878700 reference pictures. All very different. All very confusing. She was kind enough to say that they were all very similar but I probably owe her a lifetime of counselling sessions and/or hard liquor ... I suspect that she collapsed into heaving sobs of frustration every time her phone dinged - I was a serial pest. It probably didn’t help that when I met her, my eyes wide, not breaking eye contact, I parroted “You’re going to be a part of me until the day I die!” (no pressure and defs not creepy/awkward at all) ….
If that’s not enough to break someone I decided to choose an area of my body where I don’t like being touched (as you do) I also requested she start on the problem area (as you also do) and she obliged. I turned into an exotic belly dancer every time the needle hit me, involuntarily mimicking Shakiras ‘my hips don’t lie’.
This isn’t my first tattoo but my others were done over a decade ago, back when I thought I was gangster and tattoos weren’t aplenty. They were more ‘Retired sailor on parole’ than ‘hipster barber’ and rarely seen on a chick. My chest would puff out and I’d state “Pain, what pain?” but be prepared for some. I was thrashing about like a cut snake but we all have specific sensitive areas. Mine are cute puppies, Mother issues and stomach apparently.
The floral design was awesome, exactly what I wanted. Out of the 878700 apparently there was one I was gravitating towards due to the fact that I had sent it a few hundred times at various hours of the early morning (sorry Tricia's partner and cat). We made one adjustment - took the thorns off the rose. I advised my friend on the phone as we did this. My friend passionately objected with the following insulting insight: "Keep one thorn as it REPRESENTS YOU.” I excused myself to scream down the phone in tears …. (again, I’m pretty sensitive) ... my friend - if they still like to be referred to as that - stated “No, I mean you’re sleek but show them that you also have a dangerous streak, that you’re not to be messed with.” Last time I checked the only dangerous thing I did was eat cake mix (salmonella risk, hello!) … ignoring that advice (a habit of mine #stubborntaurean) I added my own little meaning. 11:11 subtly below one of the leaves. I see that number everywhere (I’m also aware so do 89% of people) but my birth certificate states that I was born during that exact time so if you needed any more verification that I’m a goddamn angel BOOM there you go!
Bitten by the ink bug and faithful in the skills at Wild At Heart Tattoo I have been back to pester the team to freshen up my wrist tribute to my Mum. And I'm sure that I will see you guys again very soon. Pfft...does not sound like a threat at all! FYI there's no use hiding behind the counters or locking the door. I have too much confidence with my new ink, I glide now, I breeze into places...I'm probably outside the tattoo parlour now *waves*